Adventures

This past weekend I found myself next to my child, clinging to a strap on an inflatable raft being pulled behind a boat at what felt like 30 mph (I don't need to know how fast we were really going, because my son was wrong: we did not need to go faster).  And I had one of those "how did I get here?" moments.

It isn't that I'm not adventurous, I am.  I am usually the one jumping in first when others are taking a step back.  Hiking, riding, boating, rafting, I've done a lot and I'm pretty comfortable with most wild and crazy things... like roller coasters. 

I realized something in the past 15 months: I had taken a step back.  This had nothing to do with a new found level of sanity after I had kids but the desire to allow Jeff to take front and center with the boys.  I think it was because I has home with the kids all day and I had a lot of experiences with the boys that I knew Jeff would never have.  I got to see them roll over, crawl, pull up, and walk first.  So, I would often step back and let Jeff do the "fun" activities while I took pictures.  This is also why 99.9% of the pictures of the boys have Jeff in them and not me.

This is an area that I would say is a positive change.  I am now the one on the roller coaster, on the raft, in the water, sliding with the boys, building the snowman, and taking hundreds of really bad "selfie" pictures to capture the moments. 

I know how I got on the raft: I got there because Jeff is gone.  I miss Jeff and I never fully enjoy any of these activities because a part of my heart wishes he was still here to enjoy them with us. But I am having fun in my new adventures with the boys.

Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife