Shortly after my power came back on after a 2 day black-out I got a call from my son's OT office. Our insurance denied a few visits. Hmmm... that's odd. What gets worse is that my health insurance told them I was no longer covered. Huh? It felt like an ice cold spear penetrated my chest. I was shaking.
I went through this mess 3 months after Jeff died. I was not looking forward to going through it again. I called my health insurance sure enough they cancelled our coverage on November 1st. Which I find odd, because I have been paying my bill regularly. No explanation. No letter to me saying that they cancelled me. Just they did it - like it's no big deal. Blink, press a key strong and bing you are no longer covered. Do the insurance folks have any idea what this does to people? So I needed to call COBRA and work it out with them.
Great, because I did this before and it's a whole lot of he-said-she-said and passing the blame to the other party while I spend gobs of time trying to fix the problem. This prospect does not make me happy.
What is tough is that anything like this sends me into a total tailspin. I didn't used to be this way, but I am now and this is why: after telling the story about J2 bashing his teeth out (http://survivingaftersudep.blogspot.com/2013/03/when-fear-arises.html)
and I remarked that I had a bit of a freak-out, my friend Sherri who lost her son to SUDEP, remarked that it "could have been a hang-nail and you would have done the same."
And darn tootin' she was right. I just can't handle anything out of the norm. Because I didn't just have the rug pulled out from underneath me. I had the rug pulled out and then I was put on a tight rope over quicksand. I am balanced and hanging on. But I am not comfortable. And any little thing: any little thing unbalances me.
Now, I am a force to reckon with on a good day. And I don't mean that in a good way, my attitude is a liability. So imagine if you will the poor sap on the other end of the phone with me. If my voice could kill (like the ladies in the movie Dune), they would have been goners. I have looks that kill. I have a voice that pretty much tells you in no uncertain terms that I think you are a bloody idiot and would be better off in a different job. I strike fear. I am sometimes surprised to discover that I scare people without trying. It's a gift.
A battle has begun in this love/hate triangle of COBRA/my health insurance/and myself. I will be victorious, but I hate the time and effort and true nastiness that I will resort too in order to be the victor. The other two in this triangle should be afraid.
They have wronged me. They have mentally unhinged me. I am unbalanced and if I fall: I am taking them with me.
Sincerely,
Jeff's Widow
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