Family Portraits

This weekend I had our family portrait done. 

What a simple, yet complicated, sentence.

I had my family portrait done, without Jeff.  This isn't the first time since he died but that doesn't make it easier. 

I like to have the boys pictures taken every year at their birthdays.  Lucky for me, my boys are exactly 6 months apart in the calendar  year so I get a good representation of them aging.  I would usually convince Jeff that the winter pictures were also the holiday cards and get the whole family into them.

Jeff always gave me a hard time about the pictures.  First off, he had bought a very nice camera just before J1 was born and he didn't see why that camera wasn't enough.  It was hard to explain to him that while my camera was great and it took good pictures: it wasn't the same as having a professional do it.  This is why we have professionals: to be good at their job.  But I understood his point of view, Jeff was the type of man that didn't pay a plumber... he figured it out himself.  He didn't hire a guy to drywall - he figured it out himself.  He didn't pay a mechanic to fix his car: he did it himself (you get the gist).  So, really in his mind, the whole picture thing was the same.  We could do it ourselves.  Problem is: and I'm sure you all can agree, the person most likely to take the pictures (me) is rarely seen in any of the pictures.  I have thousands of pictures of Jeff with the boys and only a handful of pictures of myself with them-- but that is another story.

I went along with it the first Christmas, when J1 was 6 months old and the picture was so awful that cried.  I never backed down on the pictures again.  Later, when Jeff tried to cut off my picture plans due to money troubles I maneuvered a way to still include them.  Allowing how I would take it upon myself to save up the money for it.  His gift to me was to not complain about it.  In the end, it worked out well.  I got my pictures: he grumbled but only when he really thought I wasn't in ear-shot.

Of course, I am thrilled I never backed down.  I have family pictures dated just 3 months before Jeff passed, most were used at his funeral.

I'd read recently that you will find a way to make something work that is important to you.  It is true.  If eating well is important, you do it.  If exercise is important, you do it.  Pictures were important to me and I was willing to negotiate so that I could have them.  I will always do these pictures.

Always.

Sincerely,

Jeff's Widow