Marraige/Re-Marriage

My kids can blindside me with topics.  Saturday we had a rare relaxing day, no running around, no craziness.  After the usual 4:30am hockey start we were home and goofing off.  I wasn't even doing any house projects.  We were outside, we were inside, we had a playdate with a friend, we were enjoying a lovely day together when my little said (out of the blue):

"I'm going to marry mommy."

And J1 replied "You can't." The he turns to me and asks "right?"

I said, "that's right, Mommy is already married.  I'm married to Daddy."

And then J1 said, "Can you, you-know, re-do it?"

"You mean, get re-married?"

"Yes, why don't you?"

Quietly, I respond "Because I haven't been looking."

"Oh, you should!  You should go looking.  Right now."

How do you explain to a 7 year old that you are not ready to go looking?  I was stumped.  These are big-world problems that are hard for a 7 or 4 year old to grasp.  My little has taken to saying he would like a "new daddy" and it's like a knife into my heart - especially when he tells Jeff's picture at night.  But I understand the desire of wanting another father.

I've looked at my boys in the past year and known that they crave a father figure.  They cling to their grandfather when he's at the house.  They jump on their "uncles" BT and TL when they are over.  I've seen J1 seek out his baseball coach and when I watch them interact I know that J1 feels that void, that hole that Jeff has left in his life.

Problem is: I'm not just looking for a father figure I'd be looking for a husband.  A person up for two challenges.  One, to take me on (I am no prize) and two, to take on my two children.  Instant family.  This person would have tough shoes to fill, not only in my eyes and those of my children, but also in our families.  How will Jeff's family feel when I introduce a new person into the family circle?  How will they welcome him?  In our culture, families blend all the time and I know it is possible and with very good results.  I've seen it.    I'm not worried that it won't ever happen, or can't ever happen, it just isn't as simple as when I met Jeff.  Then I didn't have all the other considerations.

Thing is: I really only just accepted that I am a widow and no longer married to Jeff.  It isn't the spring-board for going out and dating.

My boys are young and they think the question is simple and so I will continue to respond with the simple answer "I'm not looking."  I can only hope they don't follow up with "Why?"

Sincerely,

Jeff's Widow