Mother's Day

Mother's Day was not a difficult holiday for me, not in the same manner that I fear Father's Day, but I did some thinking about others.  My friends who have lost their mothers.  Women I have met through the SUDEP community who have lost their children and of course my Mother-In-Law C.

When I think of Jeff's mother my heart breaks.  I look at my boys and I cannot bear to think of their loss, not now, not in 40 years.  A mother should have a time of peace to enjoy the life their children are living.  You make it through certain milestones of a child's life and you should be free and clear of worry.  They are past the age of SIDS, they survived the teen years and driving, college is done (and the drinking!).  Your boy becomes a man and he gets a good job, buys a house, meets a women you can actually stand, and he marries her.  Then the grandkids arrive.  Yes, he has a motorcycle, but he's careful.  He never rides in the rain, he rarely uses it to commute, and he wears a full face helmet and full leathers.  He is a cautious man with no health issues.  He should be safe.  You just don't expect your child to die in his sleep at 42. 

I couldn't bear it so I don't know how she does.  I don't care that he was an adult, C carried him for 9 months, birthed him, nursed him, raised him, she was Jeff's mother. 

When I think of C, I think of the sacrifices she made for Jeff's education.  When Jeff was young he had a learning problem.  His mother did not accept the school system's assessment of Jeff's potential and she removed him from school.  She homeschooled him for a year and in the process inacted a very strict regimine regarding food (no sugar, no additives), water (limited), exercise (ran 6 miles a day), patterning (crawling, monkey bars), hearing, vision, math, and reading.  I still don't have a grasp on everything she did.  She lived and breathed Jeff's education for over a year.  She became in essence a self-trained occupational therapist before there even was a term for it.

I am amazed by her sacrifice.  She gave up her job, she changed her family, she focused on Jeff's education and it worked. 

I asked myself what I would want my future daughters-in-law to think of me.  And if they can have a fraction of the respect for me that I hold for  my mother-in-law I will be OK.  If they can see the effort I put into their education and the sacrifices I made in raising them, I will be OK. 

In essence, I want to be a good mother-in-law when I grow up.  I'm glad I have such a good role model to pattern myself by.

Happy Mother's Day C.  I miss your son. 

Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife