Grief Competition

There is no award for grief, it’s not a competition, really.  So you lost dog or cat.  I get that. I’ve lost them too.  You lost a grandparent.  Or you lost a parent.  

You lost a child?  I certainly can’t think about that.  Right now, it’s one of my greatest fears and you are living it.  I think it was I was talking with my MIL and it was almost like “who had it worst?” and I was thinking she did.  Because she lost a child.  It didn’t matter that he was 42 years  old.  He was still her baby.  She carried him, she nursed him, she raised him, she sacrificed for him, and you get to a point in your life and it’s all supposed to be good.  You are done worrying about them, they aren’t teenagers anymore, they aren’t in college.  They are married, in a house with kids and they are supposed to be fine.  And there she turns around and thinks I’ve got it worse because I lost my husband. My partner and the father of my children.  I learned right then: we lost the same person but our grief will never be the same.

But you know what?  I’ll tell you something.  I don’t compare my grief to yours.    You are grieving for what you have lost and it doesn’t matter if it is a dog or a cat, a parent or a grandparent, or a child or a husband.  It’s grief and it’s different for everyone. And I get that.  So don’t think you can’t tell me what you are going through.  Because I’m not going to compare to you since there is no way to compare feelings.  It’s indescribable. Don't be ashamed to tell me you are sad you lost your cat.  I’m sad for you too, I’ve lost a cat before and I know that it is painful. 

I write because I was told to.  I made it a blog because I thought it might help my friends and family to understand me in ways I am not willing to say out loud. Just so we are clear: I don't think my life is harder than anyone else.  I know we all have our struggles in life.  I don't compare my grief to the myriad of things you are battling.  I can look at my friends and list something that sucks in each of their lives, something they are having a hard time dealing with.  I don't compare.  I don't say it out loud, I don't even think it.  I accept it.

We all have our struggles, I just happen to be writing about mine.

 Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife