No Comforting Lies

The day after Jeff's first seizure, J1 made a statement that is heartbreaking in retrospect.  He said "I'm afraid Daddy is going to die." And I said what any person would in that situation.  I said, "No honey, Daddy is going to be fine."

I didn't lie to J1, I honestly didn't know that a person could die from a seizure.  Which is why I am angry with Doctors and the Epilepsy Foundation.  I have heard for years that people with epilepsy can lead a normal life.  It's a big campaign, but guess what?  Not everyone can.  They don't tell you about the kids who's seizures can't be controlled by drugs, they don't live a normal life.  They don't tell you about status epilepticus that can leave your brain in a constant seizure for days, weeks, or months.  Forcing doctors to put you into a drug induced coma.  And they don't tell you about SUDEP.  That you can die in your sleep.  They lie to you and tell you that you can have a normal life.  They comfort you with their lies and it leaves you vulnerable when you fall into the small percentage that isn't normal.

Which is why I can't lie to my kids.  There are no comforting lies here, not now.  Even on a day like today when our 14 month old dog, the dog I bought to cheer my kids up after the death of their father, was bitten by a copperhead. 

He is spending the night at the emergency vet and I honestly don't know what the outcome will be.  I came home from the vet and was honest with my kids.  I said the dog was in the hospital and sometimes things go well and he will come home tomorrow and sometimes they get really sick and die.

We have already had our hearts broken a year ago.  I'm still battered and bruised by the lies I was told and I find no comfort in them now.  I will not lie to my children tonight, of all nights.  They need to know that they may loose the newest family member.  Death is a reality that I am harshly familiar with.  No lie can comfort you...

Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife