I've talked about fear before. But fear is so insidious, it lies dormant waiting for you to be weak and then it strikes. I have recently had another go-round with this foe and it sits coiled in my belly.
A week ago, J1 woke up with a wet bed. Now, he's 7 and it sometimes happens when I don't remind him to pee before he goes to sleep. I was fine that morning as I sent him off to school and changed his sheets. Then, later in the day as I was describing SUDEP to someone, a switch clicked on in my brain and I was suddenly filled with fear.
See, I said that Jeff had the seizures in his sleep and that he would never know he'd had them if I hadn't been there, except that he wet the bed. So, what is the next conclusion to jump to?
How do I know J1 isn't having seizures in his sleep? How do I know that is why he wet the bed? He is well past the age for a baby monitor. And even if I put a noise monitor in his room, would I catch the sounds of a seizure?
It is a slippery slope to go from considering a potential disorder to finding disorders around every corner. I don't want to be that person. But I also don't ever want to find a loved-one dead in their bed, especially not my children.
I have been consumed with this fear for four days now with no real answer to my question. I plan on asking my pediatrician when J1 goes in in two weeks. But I wonder if my fear is groundless or would I have peace of mind if I bought a seizure detection monitor for my two children who have never had a known seizure? Am I buying into the fear? Or is it preventative medicine?
I can't decide and so I am torn, stress-bellied and nervious. Hand hovering over the big red panic button.
Sincerely,
Jeff's Wife
No comments:
Post a Comment