Better Judgment

I wrote an angry post (shocker).  I was hurt and I was angry and I let it all out.  It was a good rant and it was very cathartic.  However, I hit the save button and not publish.  I sat on it.  And then in my better judgment I deleted it.

It is moments like those when I know Jeff will never leave me.  I would have hit publish and damn the consequences including the people who's feelings would be hurt (if they even read my blog).  However, Jeff is still an influence on my life, I could almost hear him tell me not to do it.

Instead you get this: my reflections on friendship.

Friendships change as we age and grow.  Various life events come along that change us as individuals and it affects the nature of our relationships.  Some friends will accept the change because they value the friendship, even if they mourn the new evolution of the friendship.  Others will let go because the change is too much.  In some cases a friendship grows in it's intensity.  It is life.

Learning to accept the change of a friendship is tough.  Recognizing that a friendship has changed is even harder.  I learned in the first year after Jeff died that I had friends, Jeff and I had friends together, and Jeff had friends.  Some of "Jeff's friends" are gone from my life by their own choice. 

I needed some time to remember that this is evolution and nothing to get angry over or hurt by.  I will tell you this: Jeff would never tell you if you hurt his feelings.  I heard about it, but you wouldn't.  I, on the other hand, will tell you if you have hurt me.

Wondering if this is you?  Call me, write to me.  We can talk.  Maybe we can patch things up.  Or maybe we can just say goodbye.  Who knows?

Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife