Halloween

Last year, by October, I was well and good into my daze over Jeff's death.  I was doing the minimum to get by and was grateful that I could do get that far.

I couldn't face Halloween let alone the other holidays on the horizon.  I did my best to ignore the fact that Halloween was coming.  Other than buying costumes for the boys, I did nothing.  I didn't buy candy and I didn't decorate.  It wasn't until the day of Halloween that J1asked about the decorations but he was quickly distracted by the impending candy.  The fact was that I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle any of it.  I was sleeping a lot and eating a lot and doing my best to believe that one day I could be happy again.  Halloween was just the first holiday of a doom-filled holiday season for me.  I was hoping it would go away if I didn't notice it was here.

Of all people, J2 was the one that saved the day.  J2, just a week before Halloween, changed his mind on his costume.  He was no longer going to be batman or Ironman (I don't remember which it was) he was going to be a "pretty pretty princess".

Yes, folks.  My 3 year old son wanted to be a princess.  Luckily for me he decided this the day of his preschool's bi-annual consignment sale and I picked up a blue princess dress for $7!  My MIL found a crown and jewelry at the dollar store and we were set.  He was so excited!  He spent weeks proudly answering all questions of "What are you going to be for Halloween?" with "A pretty pretty princess!"  Even  folks who asked him a couple times because they didn't quite believe his answer. He wore his dress to preschool for the Halloween parade and he proudly wore his dress on Halloween night.

He was a trip!  He was a delight!  He was the comic relief of a very sad holiday for myself and Jeff's parents.  When we could have spent the night wiping silent tears from our eyes mourning Jeff's absence from this holiday that he loved, instead we were laughing our asses off at J2 twirling in his dress.  He was exactly what we needed that night.

This year, J2 asked early to "make the house spooky!"  Yesterday, I got out Jeff's Halloween decorations and we spooked up the house.  It was great fun for them and still sad for me.  But this year, I did it.

Sincerely,

Jeff's Wife